BIBLE VIEW ON FORGIVENESS, WHY IS IT SO HARD AND WHY IT MATTERS SO HARD
Colossians 3:13 forgive others as God
forgave you, Matthew 6:14-15 also explaining about condition of forgiving, and
Ephesians 4:32 teaches how to be kind to each other.
INTRODUCTION
1. WHY IS IT SO HARD ?
Forgiveness is one of the powerful teaching
in the bible. Most of the times, we hear many verses in the bible teaching
about forgiveness, but why is it so difficult for us to practice? It may sound
simple when spoken, “Just forgive”. However, when someone, humiliated by
someone or when people hurt us so deeply, forgiveness betray us feels almost
impossible.
Many of the people struggle silently with resentment.
We replay the past conversations in our minds; recreate the scenarios of
everything. We start to imagine what we could have said or what we could have
done. We hold the anger inside because it feel justified. And sometimes we
believe that forgiving means ignoring what happened, pretending or saying that
what happened is acceptable.
However, the Bible does not present
forgiveness as weakness, but as strength. Not as denial or pretending but
freedom.
In the scripture, we see stories of people
who had every reason hold anger and hold bitterness, yet chose mercy instead.
2.
JOSEPH: The Great Example of Forgiveness after Betrayal
One of the clearest example in bible is
Joseph in the book of Genesis (Chapters 37-50).
Joseph was the youngest son of Jacob before
Benjamin. His father loved more than he did with his brothers. So because of
the way his father loved him , his
brothers were jealous of him. His brothers would exclude him in all they did.
They did not want him near to them but Joseph did not care for that he really loved his older brothers. His older brothers
disliked him; that they even thought of leaving him dead alone but his older
brother Ruben had common sense. Instead of living him dead, they decided to sell
him as a slave to the Ishmaelite. Imagine being sold as a slave by your brother,
what worse more than that? As if it was
enough, Joseph also suffered in a foreign country. He was falsely accused of
trying to rape the Potiphar wife, he was imprisoned and his family forgot him.
For years, he sufferd because of their jealousy. Yet when he got power of
leadership in Egypt, it did not change his character. It did not make him to
punish his brothers. He chose something much unexpected, forgiveness.
In Genesis 50:20, Joseph teaches about what
others do to harm us, God intend them for good.
Joseph did not ignore the harm or the
betrayal. He acknowledged it. But he did not let bitterness consume him and
define him.
Why this matters:
Forgiveness does not change the past. It
changes the way we carry the past.
3.
Why Forgiveness Is So Hard?
This the most important question we should
ask ourselves. “why is it difficult to forgive those who betray us?”
Forgiveness becomes hard because:
Ø Our pride is wounded: when someone betray or hurt us, we start to feel like our identity
and respect is harmed. We feel like we were not smart enough to know that we
were being betrayed so in the moment we let the anger consume our hearts and
think that forgiveness is impossible.
Ø We want justice: we want other people to understand what we felt, we want everyone
to be on our side and convince ourselves that we are the victims who need
justice and the moment we start to think like this, forgiveness becomes so
hard.
Ø Pain feel safer than
vulnerability: when we hold on anger, sometimes we
feel much safe. Pain consumes our hearts and make us think that we are doing
the right think. We tend to think that being vulnerable makes us look weak but
is the opposite. Being vulnerable means understanding the situation and not let
the situation control our emotions.
Ø We confuse forgiveness
with reconciliation: Forgiving someone does not mean
we have to go ans live as it was before. That is reconciliation. Forgiveness
means free from pain and anger.
The Bible does not pretend as if
forgiveness is easy. It acknowledges the depth of human pain.
Even we see that in the New Testament, When
Peter asked Jesus how many times we should forgive, Jesus said to him in Gospel
of Matthew 18:21 that we do not have to forgive people seven times but
seventy seven times, showing symbol of unlimited forgiveness. We have to forgive as
God forgave us.
The above statement feels overwhelming. But
it reflects on how God forgave us.
4.
The Perfect Example: Jesus on the Cross
The greatest model of forgiveness is found
in Jesus Christ.
In Gospel of Luke 23:34, while being
crucified, He said to his father for forgiveness to them because they did not
know what they were doing. This was not spoken in comfort of enjoyment. It was
spoken pain and suffering. Jesus did not say all of this because he was angry
of the way he was treated in that moment; he said this because he always had
this kind of unconditional love for us. Therefore, this is the perfect example
for us to teach us that no matter how we were betrayed, we have to forgive each
other as Jesus asked to God to forgive them when he was crucified. That moment
reveals something very important; forgiveness does not depend on the offender’s
apology. It should flow from the character of the forgiver. What does this
means? It means that we do not have to wait for those who sinned us to take the
first step and apologize. We must have the power of forgiving in ourselves like
how Jesus forgave us without asking for apology.
5.
Forgiveness Does Not Mean…
Here we need to clarify something
important, Forgiveness does not mean:
v Pretending the hurt did
not happen: When forgiving, it does not mean we are
pretending that we were not betrayed or we were not hurt. Forgiving does not
even mean we are just moving on and ignoring the pain, we were caused.
Forgiving means acknowledging what happened learn from the pain and be free
from the pain, which is very different from just moving on.
v Trusting someone
immediately again: After forgiving it does not necessarily mean
that we have to trust the person again and act as how things were before. We
are humans, once a trust is lost, it is not easy to rebuild it again. It is
possible that we can forgive and trust again but Not trusting again does not
mean we have not forgiven, It mean that we are aware and careful of trusting
again so that we don’t end up hurt again.
v Staying in abuse: Forgiving does not mean we are agreeing to stay in abuse. Forgiving
does not give access to the offenders to abuse and hurt again. There should be self-respect
and dignity. We do not have to allow abuse just because after they abuse us.
Forgiving does not mean tolerating abuse.
v Avoiding accountability: Forgiving does not mean we are neglecting offender’s
accountability. If the person who have wronged you have not acknowledged or
taken the first step to apologize, forgiving them does not mean we are
neglecting their lack of accountability.
v Immediate Reconciliation: Forgiving is an internal process. It happens from the decision we
make from ourselves.it does not mean if you forgive people, you have to welcome
them back in your life. You can forgive them and continue your life without
them.
v The other person must
change: Forgiving does not guarantee that after we
forgive those who did us wrong, they have to immediately change. Changing
people’s personality is not an easiest task. After forgiving we do not have to
expect that people have to change.
v Showing weakness: Forgiveness is not a sign of
weakness. It does not make us weak or lose our value when we forgive is the
sign of strength and resilience to carry the burden of pain we went through.
We need to understand that,
forgiving is not about freeing ourselves from
the control of the offender. It is about freeing from the pain and the
burden we are carrying from betrayal. Forgiving is about putting the feeling of
revenge in God’s hands.
In Bible , we are also
reminded that revenge belongs to God. Forgiveness allow us to be free and walk
away from the heart of hate and revenge.
6. The Freedom that Forgiveness Brings
Bitterness folds the heart.
Forgiving releases it. This statement means that when we hold resentments, it
brackens our hearts and restricts our hearts which makes us not enjoy the joy
and not live the moment and this is a heavy burdens that weighs down our souls.
And about Forgiving, it acts as unfolding, freeing and opening our hearts again
which is different from forgetting or excusing the wrongdoers. Forgiving offers
freedom, peace and release anger from our hearts.
What does uniforgiveness do?
·
Drains emotional energy:
Refusing to forgive kills your mental peace. It blackness your heart and this
ruins your energy in the moment.
·
Disturbs peace: When you have
an unresolved problem with someone, you keep overthinking and replaying back
the moment. And this does not give you instead it ruins your mental state and
peace.
·
Hardens the heart: holding
grudges against people folds your heart as we discussed it. It changes your
personality and character. It blocks your heart from trusting and helping
again.
What does forgiveness do?
·
Restores internal peace: After
forgiving, it gives you back your peace. It frees you from holding the grudge
and revenge for someone. It offers freedom and peace.
·
Allows spiritual growth:
forgiving is a big sin of spiritual maturity. As we saw, Jesus tell us to
forgive one another. Forgiving should be in our personality as Christian to
allow our spiritual growth.
·
Reflects God’s mercy: forgiving
is good symbol to God’s mercy. God offers forgiveness to anyone with no
judgement, so who are we to not forgive ?
The moment we forgive each other, we are reflecting to God’s mercy.
7.
Does Forgiving means that you healed?
It is very important to say that, Forgiving
and seeking help can coexist.
If someone has experienced deep trauma,
betrayal, abuse or any other form of betrayal, forgiveness may be a process of
healing and setting yourself free. However, we cannot say that forgiving is
going to heal all the personal trauma and trauma we were caused. It is not
wrong to pray and ask for God’s guidance. Maybe there is a time we feel or we
are told to forgive other but deep down we are still hurt to offer forgives in
such easy way. Praying and telling God that you are not feeling ready to
forgive is not a sin, God offer guidance to those who seek him. So tell God all
that is troubling you, He will offer you peace and comfort. Forgiving is a
process, and that process can include, prayers and counselling. What is the
reason of forgiving when you have not healed or forgave yourself? So seeking
counselling can be a step of forgiving and freeing yourself from pain.
Forgiveness is not emotional release. It is
a spiritual release.
8.
Conclusion: Choosing Freedom
Forgiving may be the one of the hardest
commands in the Bible. However, it is one of the important one.
Forgiving makes us free. It allows us to
open our hearts again and release all the hate we were carrying. We have seen
it in the Bible that even most important figures faced betrayal but they
decided to forgive, as Christian should. Joseph’s brothers betrayed him and
when we got power, He did not chose revenge. He chose to forgive. Jesus asked for
forgiveness for people who crucified him. Jesus even taught it to the apostles
and the apostles has taught it to other believers. Forgiveness does not erase
our scars, but prevents the wounds to turn into chains. When we forgive, we
reflects God’s heart, a heart that chose mercy over vengeance and judgement.
The when we look at the bigger picture, the person who is set free by the
forgiveness is the forgiver not the offender.
Written By
Clovis Amatus
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